‘American Song Contest’ Is So Bland Not Even Kelly Clarkson Can Save It

The Europe Regional Song Contestif you’re lucky enough to get acquainted, was a dream that went viral the world over — a mass of nationalism filtered through an absinthe outing dressed up by Cinderella’s rats and set to music that, at times, sounded like a real song. economic.

Guaranteed, Celine Dion and ABBA old rivals. So a group of Latvians called Pirates—It doesn’t take a particularly active imagination to envision their wardrobes and vibes — and a puppet named Dustin Turkey who sang a song titled “Irelande Douze Pointe” praising his hometown: “Give us another chance / We apologize for Riverdance.”

What an outrageously entertaining party: an annual global glee. So let it come to America to take away all the fun.

American Song Contest, NBC’s much-promoted, historical American version, premiered Monday night and is a fascinating one to evaluate — though you wouldn’t think either way if you read that first paragraph. (Where! Was! The! Turkey! Puppet!?)

It’s a reality music competition that helps fix what has become the most exhausting problems of the genre as each network desperately tries to recreate the miracle original run of American Idol Yes. However, with two obvious exceptions — one of form of Kelly Clarksonthe other, a sure-fire hit about insanity called “Goofin’ new launch”—the whole effort has become bland for something so ambitious, let alone with such cheeky origins.

Until America’s reality music competitions take place, American Song Contest is actually quite refreshing. Who knew it would be fun to show off your explosive egos masquerading as meaningless celebrities on the jury? But to the point of having to watch television? Even if we might just start strolling through the streets tomorrow — cursing Wyoming’s Ryan Charles all this time (while also searching TikToks for the song) — the whole big premiere night was a big one. serious problem.

Even if you’re a pretty tired person – this writer raised his right hand – what is being attempted here is pretty cool.

There are 56 acts from 50 states and six US territories, each country competing with original songs. It’s a pity that we’re so overwhelmed by the television boom that this alone probably isn’t as interesting anymore, not in this era. Sarah Palin rapping “Baby Got Back” while dressing up as a pink teddy bear.

As Eurovision, American Song Contest there are celebrities competing alongside the average person—well, the average person has millions of streams on Spotify and views on YouTube. But here the celebrities are… Michael Bolton and Jewel.

Bolton competed on behalf of his home state of Connecticut in the premiere, showcasing all the over-the-top charisma you’d expect from a Boomer from Connecticut. While the most famous name of the night, he’s probably the least memorable, save for Clarkson becoming a totally lovable fangirl after he sings.

Clarkson and Snoop Dogg are co-hosts. While the whole “we’re going to pair a random white woman with Snoog Dogg, isn’t that funny?!” Thing long old As a gimmick, they are two utterly adorable TV presences. It’s almost unreal that Clarkson can be this magnetic and energetic in her countless work in the entertainment industry. Fact: Kelly Clarkson is officially considered the leading cause of the national jobs crisis. She’s “Kim Kardashian’s”get up and get to work“Tirade is displayed. Better yet, she’s really good at this.

But even this divine goddess walking among us all, unworthy beggars can only do so much.

Over the course of two hours, each contestant is presented with a seemingly endless pack of clips in which they describe the state of their homeland — often teasing stereotypes — while explaining the impact of their culture. localization to them and their music.

Minnesota’s Yam Haus joked, “Every time someone sneezes in Minnesota, a lake is born… And a hockey player.” Their song, “Ready to Go,” opened the show, sounding like a track from a recent Jonas Brothers album. Or maybe Disney Channel-era Jonas Brothers. Visiting the Jonas Brothers shopping mall? (That would be appropriate full status theme…)

Arkansas’ Kelsey Lamb, a country singer, dismisses the idea that her state is more torturous or not worth visiting, making a strong case for the person after she introduced their famous cheese dip: “It’s like melting Velveeta and putting Ro- Tel in it.” Honestly, werk. She sings a song called “Never Like This,” possibly from any episode of Voice during 45 seasons.

Over the course of two hours, each contestant is presented with a seemingly endless pack of clips in which they describe the state of their homeland — often teasing stereotypes — while explaining the impact of their culture. localization to them and their music.

A cute young gentleman fit for a teen idol named Jake’o from Wisconsin is also really hard at work learning about the whole cheese thing. But it turns out he used to work at a cheese factory, where he would literally cut cheese. “It’s not a play on words.” His next joke, about “R&Brie” music, and we appreciate it. He is a fourth generation Wisconsinite and currently lives in a centuries-old house his grandmother once taught. He has the same style as Elvis in space. The whole thing was hilarious and ended with Kelly Clarkson wearing a hat with a cheese top. Not angry about it.

What’s Really Great About American Song Contest artistic focus. Again, the artists are all performing original songs, and they’re streamable after each episode. Instead of letting the world’s random celebrities rave about what they think behind each, the performances are left to speak for themselves. Sure, most material sounds like musical adjoining songs soundtrack of an episode of Sunset salebut affection is to be admired.

The show also takes care to paint a picture of America as a cultural melting pot, not just in the parts of the country you’d expect. UG skywalkin is Ugandan and a young former missionary who grew up in Indiana. His appreciation for his hometown background and status inspired his contest song, “Love in My City.”

And then there’s Alexa, one of the breakout contestants of the night. She is Korean, grew up in Oklahoma, was a popular singer like Carrie Underwood as a child, but is currently an award-winning K-Pop artist in Asia. Her performance of K-Pop “Wonderland” probably wasn’t what everyone expected from the contestant from Oklahoma, but it was one of the funniest and most entertaining moments from the premiere. .

My future husband, Cristian Pagán from Puerto Rico, was another highlight, and the performer with the most confidence and comfort on stage. He’s clearly a star, and I can’t wait for the wedding.

The premiere, however, went to Hueston of Rhode Island, whose stirring ballad, performing on center stage, was selected by the show’s 56-person jury as an automatic semi-finalist. Audience votes decide the rest.

Look, it’s not like that American Song Contest too bad. That it seems very tedious. The bundles of clips and quiz games centered around the states, followed by some overwhelming generic staging created the emotion of a season-long version of the Miss America pageant rather than a trial. Great experience translated from the infamous contest Eurovision animal circus.

Hueston’s song is solid, but when a performance can appear on any episode of American Idol / The Voice / The X Factor Or are you considered tonight’s strongest contender, I feel it not only misses the spirit of Eurovisionbut the program potential has to do something new.

So thank the stars for Wyoming. State contestant Ryan Charles performed what he calls a “cowboy western rap” titled “New Boot Goofin.”Old Street“Or that one Song by “Fancy Like” Applebee. Or more than a quirk, maybe something nefarious designed to dominate TikTok. It’s horrible. It is irresistible. This was undeniably the worst song of the night, and I have no doubt that it will be the biggest success story of this contest.

That my fellow reality show patriots, are the spirit of Eurovision. And that’s what I hope for this show.

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