Between you and me: Discovering your sexuality in LTR, the conflict between Libidos and friendship
Claiming that he’s too busy to text you back? We won’t lie, it’s for Simon Leviev.
During May’s BYAM, we’re working through a number of BSs who take their lives seriously or simply try to survive in our present day hell of chaos. Who knew being an adult would be this tiring. Stop the trip, we want to get off the bus.
From differences in sex drive and official friendships over the past few days to navigating hard questions regarding your marriage and sexual exploration when you are in a long-term monogamous relationship. Keep scrolling to read the group’s helpful tips!
Charlotte said…
This is hard – I definitely feel this great number of in my previous relationship and would also tend to take it personally. I think this is easily doable so I understand your partner’s concerns, but also think it’s a good opportunity to set new boundaries. Personally, my love language is quality time, so I always feel a bit depressed if my BF wants to relax alone, could that also be the case with your partner? I recommend you take the love language test and find out if this is the case – if so, I think an easy fix would be to identify a specific time of your week where you spend your time. quality time together, make memories and give space to each other, this will fill this need for them and hopefully nature will create some space in between for you.
We all need time to rest and recharge, and I think having personal space is a really healthy thing in a relationship, so don’t back down from the fact that this matters. important to you. Speaking up about your needs and announcing that they need time together in the same way, you also need to balance this with breathing space and fully appreciating the time you spend together! A quote that I love is “you are individual first and partner second”, so your needs and mental health should always come first.
Maddie said…
Everyone has a different love language, and it sounds like your partner is “quality time.” Understanding how we want to be appreciated can be a game changer in a relationship. They also need to understand that you are two individuals with different needs and they need to respect your space needs as well. It’s all about how you convey this desire during alone time. Is there a difference between saying “give me space/I want to be alone” and “I really want to just relax for a few hours, can we do something later?”.
Darcey said…
In return, he is NOT the perfect guy! I’m sorry to be blunt, but a person who barely communicates with you is not that person, communication with you is minimal and you deserve so much better! I’ve been totally there before with guys before, you meet and the vibe is good but their communication is terrible, but you can’t stop thinking about how well you’ve integrated and maybe what That will come back if you meet them. However, in my experience, the lack of communication is really just a lack of interest, if he wants to. My advice is to fire him, lose his blood and get yourself back!
Liv said…
The main thing that I wonder is if he has always been like this or has he noticed somewhere else since we met. If he’s always been bad at texting and he really is the perfect man, I’ll try and figure out how to work this out. Maybe spending more time on calls or seeing each other more, you might even see a bigger bond forming! If messaging is really important to you then I would have an open conversation with them and find the middle ground, compromise is key. If his attention is gone, then I think it could be a sign that something else is going on in their life, and if you are feeling that things are not going well, respect it. Respect yourself and go find something more perfect!
Lareese said….
Oh babes, show me someone in a long term relationship that hasn’t been through the dry season. For me personally, it’s not too deep (provided you’re both on the same page). Our sex drive fluctuates depending on so many things from stress to illness, alcohol and sleep – it’s intoxicating and flowing – but if it makes you question your relationship, it’s quite different. your usual frequency or impact on your well-being, it is important that you voice your needs to your partner. There’s a huge difference between feeling dry and uninterested in sex for a long time, and the impact of that physical and emotional distance on your self-esteem can be huge. We all want to be wanted after all! Explain how that makes you feel, communicate your frustrations, and be sure to prioritize your joy. Don’t try to hold back because that will only cause resentment or tension in the relationship if you let it sit in the background any longer. Let’s be blunt, don’t be shy, tell them sex is your love language, you’ve been feeling a bit distant lately and it’s time for you to have an af*cking orgasm. It’s important that you’re both happy with your sex drive and that the sooner you have the conversation the better, otherwise nothing will change. The luckiest!
Danielle said…
Ah, lust in limbo, matching your partner’s libido is a complicated area, isn’t it? You can have a great relationship beyond sex and even a great sex life (when you are having it) but if a person doesn’t feel like their needs are being met then sexual problems can arise. Self-esteem and self-esteem are certainly possible. Do you think you have always had a higher sex drive or is this something that started to become an issue recently? If the latter, I would approach your partner with a lot of sensitivity and ask if they’re stressed or if that’s what they’ve been thinking about. If it’s always been an issue, I think it’s just something you’ll have to consider about staying in the relationship, I don’t think you can really expect your partner to change their habits. There are certainly things you can do to spice up and bring excitement to your sex life as well as have plenty of private time.
Charlotte said…
It’s sad when friendship seems to end spontaneously, no arguments or friction, nothing important to write home about, just the feeling that things are different between you and there is a gap between you were not there before. I’m sorry you’re having this problem!
I actually recently saw a Instagram post about reaching out to friends this popped into my head when I saw your dilemma, because I think we often overcomplicate and create a negative story in our heads about things like this when actually All that is needed is a little communication!
Of course it depends on why you’re apart and if you want to keep that friendship going (sounds like you!), but maybe all you need is to jot down some routine plans Diary regularly, increase texting regularly, and spice up your friendships a little more. As with all relationships, we can go through periods of feeling a bit stagnant, but it’s never too late to show someone how much you care. If they really are a good friend, I hope they will also reciprocate your growing efforts. Good luck!
Darcey said…
Hello anon! First, thank you for writing and sharing this with us, I’m sure your head is feeling pretty messed up at the moment. I believe that sex is an ever-changing thing, whether it’s who we’re attracted to, who we want to have sex with, and even new sexual experiences we want to try. I certainly don’t think you should ignore or suppress these feelings, you don’t want to spend 5 years living with your current boyfriend and end up resenting him or yourself for never having the right to be free. due to your sexual discovery. On the other hand, the way you approach this topic with your boyfriend is complicated, I don’t know him, but you will know how open he is to trying new things.
Open relationships are a great way to meet new people romantically or just physically and explore your sexuality, but of course both parties will have to feel comfortable with this. You can also think about finding a third sexual partner for both you and your boyfriend, threesomes may allow you to explore with your partner still engaged, but you definitely need to be very Be honest about wanting to explore your sexuality with your boyfriend and don’t just say you want a threesome. There are a lot of style dating apps where you can find other people interested in threesomes, so I think it’s pretty easy to connect with like-minded people! Finally, I’d say that of course letting your boyfriend explore your sexuality is always an option, but an extremely difficult decision, I’m sure and not one I’d recommend to myself because I think it’s not. that happens to you and feels right.
Remember you are number one in life and sometimes we have to annoy people by getting it right, you figure it all out and I hope you have some people you can count on for advice. advise!
Danielle said…
I think it’s important to understand who you are and explore sex, especially when you’re young and figuring things out. I know you said you really love your boyfriend but if you don’t figure these things out now, I think you’ll resent him in the long run.
Have an open and honest conversation with him and see if he’s ready to take a break or maybe even open up to your relationship. If he doesn’t let you explore that side of yourself then I’ll break up with him, which I know is harsh but sometimes you really have to put yourself first.
Maddie said…
Talking about the future and what you want it to look like is part of sticking around for the long term. Personally, I think just being really honest and having an open conversation is about feeling ready for kids. If you feel like you need something to help bring up the topic, maybe suggest spending time with friends/family with young children or someone you know looking forward to as a way to showcase ideas in a fun way. more refined.
Liv said…
I guess this is where you want to start trying for a baby, if so then that’s exciting! I’ll make sure it’s an open and honest conversation between the two of you, where your voices can both be heard. Also be clear about what you want and listen to and respect your husband’s point of view. If both of you are ready then that’s great! If not, then it’s not the end of the world and I’m sure a compromise can be made. What really matters is that both of you are satisfied with the outcome of the conversation.
