His/Her Story: “I Want Children Now But My Wife Doesn’t”

His story: Now I want to have children but my wife doesn’t. What can I do to convince her? We’ve been married for 3 years and we’re both in our late 20s and early 30s and I felt this was the right time to plan for a baby. But my wife kept asking me for the time and trying to explain that we weren’t ready yet. We fought a lot about this and I really didn’t understand what the problem was, because what she said was like an excuse for me.

Her story:
My husband and I both have 9 to 5 jobs. It’s true that my husband wants us to start planning for a baby, but I don’t think we’re ready financially. Education, child care, medical help, everything is too expensive these days. The delivery itself would be an exorbitant expense. I think it’s important that we have enough savings before we plan to have a baby because only one of us can go to work after having a baby, at least for a year. My husband and his mother keep pushing me to have children and my husband fights with me every day. This is very stressful and sometimes I just break down. Please help us solve this problem.

AiR Atman of Ravi, Spiritual Leader and Founder of AiR Realization Institute and AiR Enlightenment Center

For him:

It’s fun when you’re looking forward to having a baby. And if you want to convince your wife that you are capable of taking care of the baby, it’s very easy. First, ask her to stop working and make money and you manage the house financially independently, for a few months. Also, save some money for the baby. If you can do these things, great! You are financially ready to have a baby. Giving birth is not an easy task because you are bringing someone into this world. His wife is about to give birth. She will have a hard time.

You must be able to take care of both financially, emotionally and possibly, even materially and give them your time and energy as well. It will certainly be a happy time for both of you but it will be fraught with responsibilities. Creating unnecessary stress for your wife, forcing her to have children will affect her health and not good at all. Remember, it’s not your baby alone. It is a baby for both of them. Your life will change completely after this birth. So both your opinions are important in this. And both of you must be prepared in every way to welcome this new life. Otherwise, it will start to affect your marriage in a negative way. Therefore, communicate your wishes and desires to your wife, along with knowing her opinion on the situation. Take care of her concerns. Communication is the key to harmony. Live in peace, instead of trying to break your marriage into pieces.

For her:

When your husband wants and insists on having a baby, you’re right to think that unless you’re both ready to take care of the baby, you shouldn’t take this step. Having a baby is a huge responsibility, not only financially but also emotionally and physically. There must be communication between the two of you so that you can manage your baby and yourself together. Life is not just about living and having children. It was a beautiful journey. You must realize the truth of who you are, why you are here, why you were given this life, and the purpose of your life. Share your concerns openly with him with patience and kindness. You can also try the spiritual route and make your husband understand that you can be happy even without children, until the time is when you are both ready to settle down. Try to make your life a little more spiritual and this thoughtless and hasty desire to have children will disappear. Communication is the key to harmony in your married life.

Tannaz Irani, wellness coach at Aanya Wellness:

As a husband, you need to have a plan so that when my wife gives birth, I have enough money for delivery, emergency care, education? Do we have enough savings? When everything is planned, your wife will feel a lot more comfortable. And it’s beautiful when your wife is thinking more forward and she’s thinking about the baby even before the baby is born, she wants everyone to calm down. She wants everyone to think ahead so that if anything happens, you’re prepared. Sit down and socialize because as a parent you need to plan well.

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