Men find healthy ways to deal with breakups: Here’s how

In fact, many men seek help by accessing online resources, coaches and self-help books, or by reaching out to friends, family and community-based groups, and a number of professional consultations.

Lead author, Dr. John Oliffe (he/he), Professor of Nursing, head of the Men’s Health Research Program at UBC, and study co-author Mary T. Kelly (she/she) her) says that men can be resourceful and resilient as they work their way through painful relationship change.


Breaking up is painful

“A failed relationship can lead to significant emotional stress – men are already at a higher risk of suicide than women, and marital separation increases that risk four-fold. By discovering ways in which men seek help after a breakup, we can design better measures of support for, says Kelly.

“It’s important to change the story,” said Oliffe, Canada Research Chair in Men’s Health Promotion. “The most commonly told story is that when a relationship breaks down, the man falls into crisis and/or causes violence to his partner, but this is not the trajectory of most men. Guys find that most breakups end with men getting through their trials by relying on help.”

Get creative help

“We know that men seek help when intimate partner relationships break down, but we always thought it was the professional help they were looking for,” says Oliffe. found they used a variety of strategies creatively.”

One of them is doing lone work and reaching out to established connections. About a quarter of men said they searched extensively on the Internet for blogs, coaches and other resources. These people are often younger or their relationship is of shorter duration. They turn to friends or family members, not necessarily for solutions, but to talk things over, or they read books about self-help.

Men who have been in a long-term relationship where children are involved or who may be dealing with lawsuits, division of property, etc., are more likely to create new relationships and find seek community-based help such as a local fathers’ group or group of men who have gone through separation or divorce.

About half of men attend professional mental health services such as counseling. Typically these are men with pre-existing mental illnesses or those who need formal help to get through what they are feeling.

Break the mold

This article breaks the mold that Men don’t go to the doctor and they don’t want helpMary Kelly noted.

“It breaks the relationship that men aren’t as emotional and aren’t affected as much as the rest of us when it comes to breakups. We also tend to think that men aren’t introverted or vulnerable. hurt, but a lot of men have actually engaged in that kind of deep work.”

Resources – and some tips

Kelly adds that there aren’t many resources out there to help guys build better relationships. “However, our team at UBC is working on a number of projects. With support from Movember, we are building an online resource for men who want to learn more about conflict resolution. We are also currently looking for participants for a new project that will invite men to share their ideas about what contributes to a relationship. healthy. “

For men currently dealing with a breakupOliffe recommends taking time to “sit with the emotions that come with a breakup. You can be sad and happy, angry and grieving at the same time. Find a way to reconnect or stay connected with yourself.” friends and family. Be careful with substance use. Maintain a routine, exercise, and be ready to reach out for expert help.”


1. Mapping Finding Men’s Mental Health Help After a Breakup Close Partner Relationship – (

Source: Eurekalert

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