National Unfriending Day: Moving Toxic Social Relationships Offline

Since then, the virtual world has grown more integrated with the physical world – as well as more divided politically. With so much information coming our way, it’s important to be selective about who is allowed into our virtual world, Suzana Flores, a licensed clinical therapist with the nonprofit Ochsner Health in New Orleans and the author of the book “Facehooked.”

“Social media is a great tool to help us feel happier, and vice versa, it can be overwhelming because in today’s world, a virtual world, we get a lot of news. messages from multiple sources at various times of the day,” Flores said. “The mind is not designed to handle all that.”

It takes emotional energy to filter out posts that bring you closer to people and posts that can be nerve-wracking – and even more energy to figure out how to deal with feelings that bad.

While we used to argue face-to-face with friends, agree to disagree and then go out for a beer, we now frequently use public posts and isolated messages to communicate further. the way we never had to face it,” she said.

Worse yet, with such information flows, people can really only pay attention to seeing headlines and arguing without understanding much of the nuance, Flores added.

“We might have these conversations. We think we’re having these conversations, but we really aren’t,” she said.

As a result, sometimes it’s better not to go online, where the problem is not always resolved. That could mean pausing online platforms, unfollowing, unfriending, or even blocking people whose posts make you stressed, angry, or anxious.

It can be a tough decision to cut someone off from your virtual world, so Flores laid out three factors to consider when making the decision to join a conversation, unfollow a post by them or unfriend them.

I choose me

The first thing to consider is your own feelings, says Flores.

“For people who are overcrowded or empty, that feels selfish, but it really isn’t,” says Flores. “We forget what’s good for us.”

She recommends listening to your body when you come across such articles: How does my body feel? Does this stress me out?

“If you feel like you have a spasm in the chest area … that’s usually a sign,” Flores adds.

It’s also important that you allow yourself to set boundaries for yourself.

“It’s about setting limits like ‘please don’t text me about this. It doesn’t affect me at all,'” Flores said. “If they can’t respect that, then of course it’s someone who doesn’t make friends.”

Equal effort

Instead of unfriending, there may be an impulse to argue about people posting something that upsets you, but not every fight is worth the money it can take on mental health. yours, she said.

Engaging in controversial discussions, let alone a virtual platform, takes a lot of effort, and Flores says it’s only worth participating if the other person is also willing to engage in a mature conversation.

“That means we’re not trying to outdo others,” she says. “Dance a little, like I would give if you give. If you withdraw, I can withdraw a little.”

Trust your understanding of the person – whether they are friends, family, or casual online acquaintances – to decide how open they will be to match your energies, Ms. he said. That context makes it more effective to argue with people you know well and can predict what an exchange will look like.

For casual acquaintances, deciphering the course of a conversation can become too emotionally stressful for the payment, she added. In those cases, limiting your interaction with those posts through unfollowing or unfriending may be best.

I will not be belittled or underestimated

There’s no need to defend someone being disrespectful, hurtful or cruel to you in their posts or subsequent conversations, says Flores.

“It doesn’t mean you have to block people, but it often means having some sort of conversation in order to realize or establish your self-worth,” she says. “Otherwise, you’ll be sitting and groping what you just saw on social media.”

Flores recommends that conversations happen in person or even over the phone, where there can be more nuance to the discussion, but even a private text or message can get the ball rolling. increase.

“It could be a personal online message like ‘this is jarring to me, and I hope we can chat about it’,” says Flores.

Or, if you’re not ready to join the conversation, you can send a future conversation starter message like “here’s my thoughts and I just sent it to you so we can talk. after. “

Unfollowing or unfriending someone can be a big deal if the conversation isn’t going well, but Flores stresses that maintaining mental health is important, and the actions you take to Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be permanent.

“You can always check back to see how they’re doing and if they’re good for you,” she adds.