Welcome to Deadspin’s The Sports Nihilist, where it’s all nonsense and we’re just electrified pieces of meat accidentally stuck on the surface of a rock in an indifferent universe. God damn it.
LVII Super Cup is the latest proof that sports fans really shouldn’t believe anything. All Philadelphia eagle fans did before the match because they believed this team was destined for a different ring. That they will offer unlike Phillies in the World Series just a few months ago. That we were about to usher in the dawn of a Philly sports renaissance.
I don’t know if it is confidence transition from Super Bowl LIEagles destroy opponents New York Giants and San Francisco The 49ers in the NFC knockout round, all of whom choose them to win or some combination of all three, but they feel themselves more than usual. I don’t understand the cheerful disposition. It’s Philly so there will always be a degree of arrogance, but this is different. They are conceited and truly believe what they are saying. And that’s where they went wrong – hopefully where they went wrong.
As Ignatius J. Reilly once said: “Optimism makes me nauseous. It is depraved. Since the fall of man, their proper place in the universe has been one of misery.” And the quicker sports fans accept that, the quicker they accept my point: Believe in nothing.
If the natural law of sport is that only one out of 30 to 32 teams can will win the title every year, which means the vast majority of fans won’t be satisfied. Rings are the only thing that matters, but if nothing matters, you can’t be hurt.
The best way to go through life is to isolate yourself to the point where nothing affects you. You are a speck in the universe that is neither trivial nor special. You are just. You exist only because science dictates that life forms on this planet evolve into sentience.
Stop thinking. Stop believing. Stop hoping.
Whenever the subject of hope arises, so does it. Shawshank Redemption quote about it. Andy Dufresne on hope: “Hope is a good thing, possibly the best, and no good thing ever dies.”
Well, in an alternate universe, a more realistic universe, and a universe whose walls are made of more than plaster, Andy never gets out of prison, and will probably hang himself. when you realize it. Does that sound uplifting to you? Look where the optimism and simple thinking about good things will come to you.
I don’t wake up on the good or bad side of the bed; I woke up in the middle. What my next day will look like and my mental state will not affect the performance of my favorite team. Honestly, I’ve tried to eliminate anything in my life that could be classified as a “favorite”, but you can still understand what I’m saying.
Being a sports fan means ceding control of your emotions to forces you can’t control, and doing that equates to voluntary self-indulgence. You are willing to confine your mind to the outcome of a child’s play. Growing up, Philadelphia.
