In this life, we only have so many precious days. The sand in the hourglass is slowly but surely running out as we all plunge straight into the unknown. We should use our relatively short life chances by appreciating our loved ones: family, friends, pets, TV show girls girl… With the time we have on earth, why would you want to spend your time getting mad over an article?
If you somehow missed the latest speech, congratulations! Perhaps you’re enjoying family time, singing a loop of “Auld Lang Syne” to make sure you don’t forget old acquaintances. Or, you just have hobbies and interests. I don’t, and the other 98 percent of the internet have spent the past few days arguing about Rolling Stone‘S list of the 200 greatest singers of all time.
This list immediately set the internet on fire when it was published on New Year’s Day. Everyone who was unable to connect to the internet during the record-breaking winter storms went online to voice their opinions. Fingers tapped in rage, broke the glass of countless iPhones (I don’t have the numbers to back that up) and caused many accidents. Samsung phones explode (unrelated).
“Rolling Stone’s list of greatest singers or whatever was the biggest joke of 2023,” said one person. tweeted. That person, to be noted for press clarity, is a celebrity stan. But people with artists’ photos as their Twitter profile pictures weren’t the only ones standing up in arms. In classic fashion, Infant even got into the chat!
“Okay, what is the real criterion for a ‘singer’ on this list, because I know it’s not really about vocal ability when John Lennon is in the top 20, Taylor Swift go ahead Barbara [sic] Streisand…and my dad wasn’t even in,” singer Bobby McFerrin’s daughter Madison, tweeted. That may sound like a cheeky tweet, but it’s actually extremely understandable behavior. I’ll tweet something similar if my dad gets dropped from the list of the 200 Greatest Insurance Salespeople. At least Madison McFerrin has reason to be mad! What are the other’s reasons?
See, the most important thing overlooked among all hullabaloos is Rolling StoneIts listing did exactly what it was designed to do: Work with the public into a foam. Even if there are 200 spaces to fill, there will inevitably be things to be despised and there will certainly be an order to make people uncomfortable. If you think it’s a no-brainer to rank each pop star on that list, I have some news for you!
Rolling Stone knows well that everyone will wake up the morning after New Year’s Eve — or more realistically, at 3 p.m. — cranky and hungover, ready to get riled up over the smallest thing. There’s nothing a drunk person likes to do more than complain about something completely unrelated as an expression of anger over their current state. That, and sleep. But who can sleep when Celine Dion being given shaft?!
Well, Miss Dion isn’t on the list, provoke many gay men and their most fervent allies. “The list of greatest SINGERS doesn’t include Céline Dion…okay,” one user tweeted to the tune of 16 thousand likes. Others repeat that sentiment endlessly, ask for names of all Rolling Stone staff voted. Even the legendary musician Diane Warren sound off, speak that Dion’s rejection is “one more reason why dumb doesn’t mean damn it.”
Ding ding ding! Even kookiest of personality sometimes makes sense. Warren is absolutely correct. Lists like these really mean nothing—they have no real impact when it comes to an artist’s legacy, and certainly have no bearing on fan loyalty and love.
A musician’s placement on a random list is not the be-all and end-all of their career. It certainly doesn’t affect your ability to love them either. To call Rolling StoneThe futile decoy on its list will undermine the work of all the writers who have contributed to it and the valid criticism they have worked to perfect. But at the same time, putting as much credibility on the list as the internet has in the past few days is ridiculous.
I grew up in the arms of Stefani Germanotta after hearing “Just Dance” for the first time in 2008, and you don’t see me storming on Twitter about Lady Gaga’s place on the list. (No. 58, mind you, when vocal talent, stage presence, and artistic impact alone are enough to secure a spot in at least the Top 30—but I digress!)
And guess? This is something great I just learned. If you like Céline Dion, just tap the little “X” next to the browser tab, close the page and listen to “I’m still alivethe only remaining cultural footprint of Small Stuart 2. Real anger over things like this is absurd and only serves to validate and promote what readers are angry about in the first place.
Furthermore, people seem to misunderstand the purpose of lists’ existence. Like Rolling Stone noted in the first few paragraphs of the article, before any rankings began, “This is a list of Greatest Singers, not a list of Greatest Vocals. Talent is impressive; Genius is transcendent.”
But, of course, they know full well that you’re going to ignore all of that. They were looking forward to it! The internet’s cancer-causing torch and pitchfork corporation has fallen into its hands. A more accurate way to quantify a list like this is to use the word “artist” instead of “singer” so as not to confuse vocal ability with artistic ability. But will that spark the desired outrage? Not sure.
It’s a new year, and in 2023, I beg the Twittersphere: Check your priorities. I don’t know how else to tell you that your time and energy would be more wisely invested in anything else. Do something with your hands! Draw a picture. Climb a damn tree while we’re still yes tree to climb.
Take the time to plug into the internet to be a supporter for Bruno Mars Probably the biggest waste of time I can think of. Life is all too short. Dance to your favorite musician; sing with all your heart your favorite songs, even if it means you have a heavier hump than Adele’s. Consider criticism without thinking it has to change your own personal views.
I promise you, the next 12 months will be a lot better if you do.
