This has been a bad year for style, a pathetic follow-up to 2020. Of course, I’m not talking about fashion. I can only assume that the world of runways and lavish parties I wasn’t invited to is as boisterous as ever. But we, the army of masked and masked men, in general, died with it. Can you blame us?
It should be pointed out here that most people never pay much attention to clothes in the first place. Like being indifferent to food or music, this is as legitimate an option as any other. But on an ordinary day, on the New York City subway, for example, you can be sure to meet a few astute citizens, heading to the office or to dinner, making the effort. There are far less now.
Let 2022 be the year we fight back. Here is a list of my own style decisions for the new year. I hardly expect them to be like readers – feel free to email them – but instead represent my own tactics in the war against tights. I resolve that by 2022 I will:
1. Wear sparkly shoes. A man never feels better when his shoes are right, and leather shoes look as good with jeans as they do with a suit. Why not take five minutes every morning to pay off by looking and feeling good? (I recently discovered Saphir polish, which by weight costs about the same as caviar but man, is it better than Kiwi.)
2. Speaking of which – find the perfect black shoe. I have this vision of a perfectly tailored yet austere future in which all my clothes are beautiful but I own nothing more than that I absolutely need to look good at all times. . In this vision, I only have two pairs of shoes (minus sneakers, boots, etc.), brown and black. The brown ones I discovered (Crockett & Jones’ Pembrokes, by cordovan; unreasonably expensive £695 and worth it). But the black ones are still out there somewhere. I’ve gotten close to a pair of ebony cowhide Chukkas, but they’re not quite popular enough, somehow.
Dirk Bogarde makes some important decisions before his trip to Venice, 1955 © Popperfoto via Getty Images
3. Speaking of austerity – take a bunch of crap to your local vintage store. This is a New Year cliché in our post-Kondo era, but the sunk cost fallacy is playing with my wardrobe. They never pay you what you hoped for for a nice suit you never wore, but if it costs me two martinis for admitting a costly mistake, that constitutes a win. morally, right?
4. Hunting for a nice, nice, cheap watch. I don’t like fancy, often vulgar watches and I’ll probably lose. There is an ideal solution: Casio F-91W, orange, available for £15 in Argos in the UK.
5. Find the perfect pair of jeans, buy six pairs, and never buy or think about jeans again. The fabric of these mythical items is heavy, the color is very dark and even, the legs are slightly taper but recognizable, and they are about the same size as me (36/36). Easier said than found, but this is my year.
6. Find the position of the half of the sock. I really like nice socks and I buy a lot of them. I really believe a good wool socks can be the difference between a good day and a bad day. Before long, however, when I dropped $30 or something, I only had one of the two. I live a regular, orderly life. Where’s half of my socks? 2022 is the year I find out who’s behind this.
7. Don’t buy an expensive jumper. Expensive jumpers are never worth it. They take losses, they pull, they start to sag as quickly as reasonably priced ones. I won’t fall for the expensive hosiery scam again. Long live classic!
Marlon Brando and his 1958 trench coat © Keystone / Shutterstock
8. I went to spring for a nice raincoat. Since global warming is set to clear the snow at my latitudes, I’ll save money by wearing a winter coat. Maybe Rain Norway will have a sale?
9. Borrowing more clothes from my 12-year-old daughter. She is still great. Her main after-school activity is to go thrift shopping and spend my money. She recently brought home a brown velcro Fila race shirt with white piping that fits my size. She was very civil about me adopting it for myself. Maybe I’ll show her shop to me? Children are our future, etc.
Happy New Year everybody.
Email Robert at the address robert.armstrong@ft.com
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