Like his fellow Strike Force Five cohorts, Stephen Colbert is back. The Late Show host seemed positively giddy to be back in the studio on Monday, following a five-month absence due to the recent writers’ strike.
While he made sure to weigh in on the many headlines he wasn’t able to joke about in real time—including Lauren Boebert being thrown out of a musical production of Beetlejuice for “yanking her date’s crank”—he seemed relieved to have returned just in time to talk about the most monumental story of the day: “world leader” Taylor Swift cheering on rumored beau Travis Kelce, whose Kansas City Chiefs beat the New York Jets on their home turf on Sunday.
“Taylor drank some dranks [and] hung out with Blake Lively, while injured Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers sat alone in the Sadness Box,” Colbert reported. But what really impressed the host was how the mere possibility of Swift’s appearance at the game turning East Rutherford, New Jersey into an overnight tourist destination.
“Mere rumors that Tay-Tay might be at last night’s game-game sent ticket prices surging more than 40 percent,” Colbert marveled. “It used to be that you couldn’t afford to watch Taylor Swift. Now you can’t afford to watch Taylor Swift watch something.” But Colbert was quick to point out that “the Swift Lift is not limited to tickets. “Her maybe-boyfriend’s jersey saw a 400 percent spike in sales,” and the jean shorts she was wearing are now sold out everywhere.
Noting how “everything she touches is instantly revitalized” gave Colbert an idea: “Taylor: If this relationship doesn’t work out, is there any way you can start dating one of our nation’s crumbling bridges?” The post-break-up album practically writes itself.