Steve Ballmer’s Clippers malfunctions like an old XBox

The Pelicans unplugged the Clippers' controller.

The Pelicans unplugged the Clippers’ controller.
Picture: beautiful pictures

God damn it, Steve Ballmer must have felt so good having Paul George and Kawhi Leonard for the first time. I mean like “Steve Ballmer hype about a pep rally” good or “Christmas Morning Presents as a Child” good. “Just bought a brand new XBox and I can barely drive home below the speed limit,” he feels.

And, boy, is a new XBox fun. You can play it for a year. Halo and Gears of War are great, but before you can familiarize yourself with A, B, X, Y through squares, circles, triangles, and Xs in one season of NCAA College Football, you’ll get red ring of death, and there’s nothing you or Microsoft can do to recover Once shiny, the toy promises utopia.

Unlike my dearly discarded XBox, the Clippers still have a chance to land the title that Leonard and George promised, but it’s not happening this year. Ty Lue did everything he could to try to get this team to the post-season, but a system glitch persisted, with a positive COVID test forcing George to be sidelined as it ended up being a game. the team’s final game of the season, a 105 -101 loss to the Pelicans on Friday night.

(If you’re asking, yeah, I’m going to keep squeezing out this achievable analogy for the full $375 that part of the junk has cost me. I’m still playing my Playstation 3 even though it’s similar. like a jet engine because Uncharted the game is fun to revisit and because it still works.)

I doubt any LA fan has gotten their hands on the Clippers fandom the way I got my hands on Microsoft’s shoddy tech after a successful run with a longstanding franchise like the Playstation or the Lakers, and how? Can you blame anyone stupid enough to try to overturn the trusty old situation? Clippers as a franchise feels like a lifeless piece of technology. If current is considered “stratified history”, they have it in batches.

I’ve done articles about LA’s other NBA team a few different times, and I may not be as good a writer as I thought I was, but no one seems to have read them. That said, the reason why I think no one reads those works is because the Clippers don’t evoke emotions in one way or another.

It’s hard to find an angle when writing about the Clippers because they are Clippers. Donald Sterling was taken out of possession, and every guy on that team still plays basketball as if they hate life. Adding a few hometown talent didn’t endear LA fans. If anything, it turns the two stars into traitors for not going to the Lakers, and makes the franchise a little more annoying.

Yes, LeBron James and Anthony Davis had the most embarrassing season of all time this year, but they won the title. It should come as no surprise that the Lakers attract more press than Lue overcommitted without his best players.

You can call the Clippers’ loss to the Pelicans on Friday night a chore if you will. They were three and five minutes away. But the real missed opportunity – aside from having an MVP in the Finals and an All-NBA in three years before only showing up in the Western Conference Finals to show it off – was Tuesday night against Minnesota when George played and the team still squandered a 10-point lead in the fourth half and a playoff spot for the team whose best player was in trouble for the entire game.

We’ve passed the point of expecting this team to compete for a title. They can add all the All Stars, coaches, arenas, and fans that Microsoft can buy and the end result will be the same. The publicity came their way because they were in LA, and they had legitimately great players. Basketball writers are obligated to talk about the Clippers the same way they are required to talk about Brooklyn.

Well done, guys. The way to find two teams in major markets evokes a collective “Meh”. It’s like buying a Ferrari SUV. You can brag about being in LA or New York or a $300,000 car all you want, but that doesn’t make you feel good. At least Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving make interesting or quirky quotes.

I’m done pretending to be enthusiastic about the Clippers plot. The only reason I’m writing this is because I have an XBox analogy that works on two levels, I have a good relationship with Microsoft, and it’s fun to see billionaires’ expensive toys on fire.

Wait, does “team burnout from excessive blandness” qualify as an emotion? It’s not ?! Well, damn it, I guess congratulations are for the Clippers – because there’s definitely no knockout.

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