Simple logic tells you that cure hangover do not work. If they did—if a milk thistle pill or electrolyte fizzy drink or activated carbon nano spray really made you feel less hungry—the nano pill/tab/spray would change the world. As we know it. Martin Shkreli will try to usurp the patent from the prison. They will replace Presidents Day with Hangover Inventor’s Day. Media work can start at 9am.
But not. Unfortunately, the best and only cure is moderation. And now that ship is out to sea and at least three plates with the wind. Everyone will tell you that you should have a pint of water for every pint of beer. I’m sure this works, but I’d rather stay indoors than carry a pint of beer on the left and a jug of water on the right. People will also say that exercising first thing in the morning helps. Even walking on the Equinox makes my stomach rumble.
I find that the simplest way to reduce The unpleasant feeling of a hangover is not a magical chemical reaction, but a physical one: a cold, or specifically a cooling eye mask. And that’s why TheraPearl’s Eye-ssential Mask very effective: keep it in your freezer and whenever you wake up literally regretting everything, just wear it around your eyes and numb your brain until it stops calling for help. As an added bonus, it will reduce your eyelid swelling more effectively than any cream—though grabbing one of those would also be helpful. And as an added bonus, it helps relieve itchy eyes caused by seasonal allergies, and when it’s sweltering outside, it keeps you cool even when it’s not there. AC above.
Cold may not be the most creative hangover cure, but it is the most reliable — soothe the pain, then use your 30 minutes of semi-consciousness to get out of the house and to a coffee shop ( or the gym if you’re kind of ambitious). TheraPearl has several important advantages over frozen packs left over from your last Green Apron order: It wraps around your face, so you don’t have to keep it on your head. This gives you the freedom to walk around with it, which I did, blindfolded by a plastic bag of blue orbs, touching the food in my fridge until my hand found it. Gatorade. (If you want the same facial anesthetic effect without affecting your vision, or if you want to try Lucha Libre, you can start full mask.) The spheres also do a great job of evenly filling in the odd crevices in your face, which promotes the numbing process. (And if you’re looking for heating, eye masks can do that too; Just microwave it for 15 seconds and bask in its warm glow.) TheraPearl recently updated its gel beads so they change color to let you know when they’re at the right temperature. Combination: purple for cold and white for hot. And unlike a bag of peas, they won’t freeze and harden into a solid ice block.
Let’s be clear: this ice pack mask won’t bring your Level-8 hangover down to Level-0, but it will take away your Level 4 hangover (“I’m telling Mr. my owner is that my shower has exploded so I can at 11:30”) to sentence 2 (“I am telling my boss that the plumber has to come check my faucet so that I maybe at 10:15”). When I meet my friends for lunch the next day and look 30% less bad, they often ask and often end up on their own (or, if you’re like me, two to move in and out of the freezer) . It’s a movement, people. Go on the boat.