Vladimir Guerrero Jr. makes every baseball regret because it was born

Vlad Guerrero Jr.

Vlad Guerrero Jr.
Photo: beautiful pictures

We’ll be getting feedback from Blue Jays fans throughout the season, and it’ll come into play here next month after the Leafs beat themselves in the first round again. All that energy would certainly be channeled into the Rogers Center in no time. You won’t be able to avoid it.

But it’s going to be hard to get mad at them, because this Jays team is super fun and can score 1200 runs this season. Additionally, they will beat unvaccinated teams thanks to Canada’s somewhat adulterous policies on COVID.

They also have Vlad Guerrero Jr., who can turn a baseball into his own meteor shower with a single swing, just like he did earlier this afternoon against Rangers:

That’s 118 MPH over the bat and 467 feet long in the same fashion as the Arc of The Covenant being opened. Woe to anyone who has to stand in the way of this screaming spirit in the second deck. The Rangers’ outfield area probably had to take another step and a half before this mimi overcame their heads and rendered their work in vain. Many Premier League players will find themselves redundant when Guerrero beats this year.

It’s a shame about that pitch, though, as the Jays took a six-round lead thanks to Hyun Jin Ryu’s amazing audience today. Finish well with the seven-run distance the Jays created Friday on Rangers.

Those are problems for another day. Right now, just enjoy Vladito changing the chemical makeup of a baseball through force and velocity. It’s probably going to happen a lot. And high-speed projectiles being launched at likely Maple Leafs fans in the bleachers is never a bad thing. 

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