If there was ever an ideal way to get five hours a day, this is what it needed. We have officially reached the top of pineapple dildos, friends. 2022, you are a real transplant, you are.
For years, the wondrous mysteries of this aromatic fruit have fascinated people across the globe. From enhancing semen and changing the flavor of our vaginal juices, it’s a tropical craze with many sweet talents, including turning oral sex into a party. damn body. Does anyone have rice cakes?
It was only a matter of time before someone took the nation’s pineapple obsession and ran after it. And here we are, eight years into the making, at the pinnacle of greatness – or a guaranteed trip to A+E – fiddling with the prototype of the world’s first pineapple-shaped sex toy.
Naturally, logistics is on our mind.
The office boils down to a chorus of who, what, how but there are never people to avoid uncomfortable themes, selfies and new ways to ensure orgasms, we know we are the women who do the job. The weirder the better, if you ask us. Hey, if a the rotating wheel of the prosthetic tongue already exists, then a pineapple dildo isn’t all that wild. It’s correct?
Here’s what happened when we tried the world’s first pineapple sex toy…
The fear of missing out is too much of a burden. I’m getting ready to roll up my sleeves, try and be a guinea pig patron if need be.Lareese
I have no shame in admitting that when it comes to sex toys and sex in general, I am just like them. I don’t mind branching out and trying the next best thing because in my eyes the clitoral vibrator is a sex toy Lamborghini. Finish. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it. But… the perks of this job won’t go to waste for me. I didn’t want to miss the chance to try the world’s first pineapple sex toy in size, did I? The fear of missing out is too much of a burden. I’m getting ready to roll up my sleeves, try and be a guinea pig patron if need be.
Now, going into this ‘We Tried’, I was skeptical. After all, pineapple isn’t meant to be vaginally compatible but hey, maybe I need to be more open-minded. Probably most people look at them when they are running their catering business and think, now there is a fruit that I want to hit. I’ve never looked at a pineapple, with all its barbed armor, and thought right, it would make a good vibrator but maybe I’m the villain?
When the sex toy aesthetic is born, you can proudly display this on your bedside table or bar cart and your guests will be in no doubt while they’re pouring it. himself a porn star martini. Obviously everything is pineapple shaped these days, so you won’t have to worry about someone not going to decorate your yoni. Main plus.
In the end, it proved to be a two-person job, taking all the fun out of the selfie order for me. If I need to call my boyfriend to help me plug in.Lareese
About logistics. I am new to the world of fanny fruit and it shows. Like one of the ugly sisters trying to fit Cinderella’s glass slipper, there was no way it would get in. Stuffing or twisting won’t do any good. In the end, it proved to be a two-person job, taking all the fun out of the selfie order for me. If I need to call my boyfriend to help me plug in. I’m out, dragons. Don’t get me wrong, it maybe made a partner fun and sexy but he was just as overwhelmed by its shape as I was. Like a Venus flytrap, I was clamped down, he squealed and there was no hope of lubricating afterwards…
I have decided to leave it for another time. When I have no such in mind about it. Maybe a little drunk. And it’s not April Fools’ Day.