Welcome to Blah-gust, the worst time in the sports calendar
Mark it down: 9:35 a.m. Wednesday, August 10. We’ve reached the climax (nadir?) of sports’ slow season. You know, it’s the dullest day when ESPN is killing time covering the Little League World Series. No disrespect to the young, but I won’t force myself to watch children’s athletics until my father’s – or uncle’s – obligations require me to.
No matter how you get your sports news (thanks for reading Deadspin, by the way), the feed is bleak. Today I woke up and read that “NBA teams are watching Nico Mannion.“What’s surveillance for, smallpox? Oh, to get back to the league. I didn’t even know he played abroad.
In other NBA news, Ben Simmons respond to reports that he has left the Nets group chat after teammates asked him if he was planning to play in the knockout stages, tweeted, “😂 A slow news day.” He also retweeted a clip about Shams Charania defends him on Pat McAfee showTo the point where he wanted to skip it and go back to modeling designer clothes on the bench, or shoot untested jumpers at the local Y-league game, he felt frustrated enough. prompt to react.
Simmons hasn’t watched the action game in over a season, and until he does, he’ll be on the 86 list for life. I’m not sure if all kitchens do this or just luxury hotels that cater to unreasonable customers, but one I used to work for made certain dishes forever – add them on the list of 86 mundane things hanging in the chef’s office – because a customer will see another diner eating risotto, order it even if it’s not on the menu, and suddenly one of our chefs the bar spends the whole shift stirring up damn risotto.
Cooking risotto is incredibly monotonous and time-consuming, which is how I would describe it when writing a Ben Simmons article or a pre-season analysis of any team. There’s just too much speculation, and the stats of previous seasons, I can make before my limbs start to go numb from boredom.
If I read (or write) another NFL training camp story I’m going to suck my eyeballs out of their sockets with a hand vac. (Side note: Editors, I might need to dictate to you my next piece. I hope you’re ready for a six-parter on the rise and fall of Carson Wentz.) (Editor’s Note: You’re on your own!)
Fox News ran an article about how the NFL and ESPN edited “God and Jesus” out of the pull quotes in their retweets of Trevon Diggs’ son talking at Cowboys’ camp even though both outlets shared the video in its entirety. For the record, he was extremely cute, and that should’ve been the angle.
The faux outrage was so egregious that I almost dialed up some fake ire of my own, but opted not to because I love God and Jesus, too. (Joking, I’m joking… Unless you’re reading this, dad. In that case, yes, I thought about going to church Sunday. However, when I woke up, I decided I wasn’t going to waste an hour of my day off.)
The most maddening thing about all this is I shouldn’t even be here. No, not at work. I meant like here, as in the dregs of sports writing in August. We should all be enjoying the World Cup and luxuriating in the beautiful game. While bloggers’ content sources drying up is toward the bottom of the list of why Qatar should not have the World Cup, it’s still a reason. Thanks a lot, FIFA. The molten-hot host country did move the start of the tournament ahead… by a day, causes Time New York newspaper.
THAT IS NOT ENOUGH! I NEED MORE!
Thank lord the Premier League started last weekend, otherwise I’d have to think of another way to talk damn about the Yankees. I’ll probably have to do it anyway, but both my doctor and therapist say I have to get rid of my negativity or risk an ear bleed.
If there is a chance to announce retirement, this is the week. Until football starts, I vote that we can watch Serena Williams’ old tournaments on the detour, or go out and try to find different surfaces to fry eggs. Both are preferred for scraping the leftover scraps of NFL stories off the bottom of a burnt pot.
Anyone. How is your summer?