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Why do Western women come to Korea to find love?

Thought researcher Min Joo Lee has something puzzling about young Western women staying at youth hostels in Seoul.

Unlike their Asian counterparts, who she sees squeeze into as many attractions and shops as possible during their time in the Korean capital, these women – mostly in early 20s – didn’t seem interested in the usual tourist trails.

Instead, most of their days, they would stay in their dorms, sleeping or watching Korean TV shows – only going out after dark.

They caught the attention of Lee, who studies Korean gender and race politics as a postdoctoral fellow at Indiana University Bloomington, because she was in town to find out. See the influence of Korea’s rising international pop culture on the tourism industry.

After visiting eight dormitories and interviewing 123 women, mainly from North America and Europe, Lee came to the conclusion that many were attracted to what she called the “Netflix effect”.

Hit Korean TV shows like “Crash Landing on You” and “Goblin,” outsell men with pretty faces and perfect bodies like their stars Hyun Bin and Gong Yoo. They offered a glimpse into a world where men are romantic and patient, a contrast to what women see as the sex-obsessed dating culture back home.

The charm of Korean men

The women Lee interviewed were drawn to Korean men depicted on TV as having the ability to tap into their emotions and a willingness to embrace “their weak sides,” Lee said. .

They consider Korean men as cultured and romantic while complaining that men in their homeland often neglect appearances and think one-sidedly.

Grace Thornton, a 25-year-old gardener from the UK, arrived in Seoul in 2021 after watching the K-drama “Crash Landing on You” on Netflix.

She was struck by how the men on the show didn’t mock or catch women on the street, as happened in her hometown.

In her eyes, Korean men are “gentlemen, polite, charming, romantic, like in a fairy tale, chivalrous, dignified”. She said it also helps Korean men dress well and properly.

She said: “(British men are half-drunk, holding beer, holding dead fish” – alluding to what she says is the prevalence of fishing pictures in the profile of male dating apps in the UK. .

And the attraction is not entirely in the men.

As Thornton said: “In the UK, I’m very normal in appearance and sound like everyone else. In Korea, I’m different, interesting and alien. People notice me. I feel special. bye.”

‘International couple’ and professional boyfriend

The popularity of Korean TV shows with global audiences coincides with a steady increase in female tourists to Korea.

In 2005, 2.3 million women visited the country – compared with 2.9 million men, according to government data. In 2019 – the last year before the coronavirus ravaged tourism – almost 10 million women visited the country, compared with just 6.7 million men.

At the same time, there has been an explosion of content on social media that focuses on Korean male couples with foreign women.

On YouTube, the hashtag “#Gukjecouple” (“#international couple”) has become a category that includes 2,500 channels and 34,000 videos, the most popular of which is a picture of a Korean man with an American partner. or Europe. Sometimes these videos have couples playing pranks on each other, playing with cultural differences, and sometimes they simply depict couples going through their daily lives.

Among the supporters of the genre is Heo Jin-woo, a Korean YouTuber in Seoul who once ran a channel dedicated to videos where he pretended to be viewers’ boyfriends.

The videos feature him acting as if he’s on a video call with his lover, asking viewers how their day went, or inviting them to dinner at the new Italian restaurant in town. He will speak in a sleepy, soft voice with a little Korean accent and occasionally speak with Korean phrases.

According to Heo, the channel has attracted 14,000 followers, mostly foreign women in their 20s interested in Korean culture, but he closed the channel after meeting his British girlfriend Harriet.

Instead, the couple created an “international couples” channel called “Jin and Hattie.”

It mainly consists of videos in which they “prank” each other based on misunderstandings and differences in their cultures.

A video titled “Make My Korean Boyfriend Jealous With Prank”, features Harriet wearing a miniskirt in front of Heo, who asks her to dress more casually.

“Don’t forget to put on your couple ring,” he said before Harriet let him into the joke and they hugged. The comments below the video – mostly from female English-speaking fans – praise how respectful Heo is to his current wife.

According to analytics service Socialblade, since its launch in February 2020, the channel has gained 70,000 subscribers per month and now has 1.7 million subscribers. While the pair say the channel was never meant to be a business, their channels on various platforms have more than 3.5 million subscribers combined.

Cash machine

Hugh Gwon, a consultant specializing in YouTube channel management, is one of the original creators of “international couples” content.

He said creators like Heo and Harriet, who have more than a million subscribers, can earn between 30 and 50 million won ($23,000 to $38,000) per sponsored video.

But the value of the genre goes beyond dollar signs – it’s about helping couples adapt to cultural differences.

Gwon and his Australian wife Nichola run a blog called “My Korean Husband” that discusses cross-cultural marriage and reflects on how attitudes towards such relationships are changing.

Nichola says the image of Korean men has changed since she met her husband 10 years ago in Sydney.

Back then, she often heard prejudiced comments like peers saying her husband was handsome “for an Asian”.

When she searched for “Korean husband” on Google after her engagement, most of the results were horror stories about Southeast Asian immigrant wives marrying abusive Korean men. Today, a search turned up pictures of the Korean celebrity and her blog, along with a Quora link to an anonymous user asking how to find a Korean husband.

She says the best “international couples” channels promote cultural understanding, but cautions that some only sell appearances and fantasies.

The reality, she said, is that women who are serious about settling down with Korean husbands should realize there will be cultural differences to adjust to, such as living in a society known for its age. long working hours and patriarchal gender norms.

“(At first) you’ll go to the Han River for picnics, and it’s all great and you feel like you’re in a K-dramas but then the reality of actually having a family there What is Korea?” she speaks.

‘A temporary pleasure’

Unfortunately, some women find that the men they meet after arriving are not as perfect as the ones portrayed on their screens.

Mina, a 20-year-old student from Morocco, said K-pop and Korean TV shows influenced her decision to move to the southern city of Busan in 2021.

The men she sees on TV are described as “rich, handsome men who respect and protect you,” she said.

But during her nights out, she is stalked in a bar and asked for sex by strangers on the street. She feels that some Korean men tend to believe that foreign women are more open to casual sex than local women.

“We are just a passing pleasure,” she said, adding, “Men are men, people are the same everywhere.”

Since then, she has lost interest in Korean TV shows and no longer wants to date Korean men.

Quandra Moore, a 27-year-old English teacher from Washington, came to Seoul in 2017 and searched for a mate through dating apps and in a nightclub. But she was also disappointed.

She encountered racist attitudes – rejected by someone who told her to “go back to Africa” ​​- and noticed many men who seemed only interested in sex.

In her experience, Korean men treat foreign women differently. “Why can’t we go to dinner first? It’s very difficult. They know Korean women won’t stand it,” she said.

Lee, the researcher, reiterates the point by saying that some men feel they can treat foreign women with impunity because, as foreigners, they are limited in circles. smaller society.

However, it’s the takeaway that even people with bad experiences don’t always stop.

Some frustrated women who flew home told Lee that they felt it was their own fault, they hadn’t found their ideal man and would come back and try harder next time.

“They clearly see that not all Korean men are (perfect), but they just need an alternative to the disappointing dating market at home,” she said.

“They really can’t let go of it because they hope that ideal dating relationships exist somewhere in the world,” she says.

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