5 ways to keep work from getting in the way of your relationship

When our Romantic relationship Carrying too much of a burden in our professional lives can lead to resentment, jealousy, and eventually breakups—especially when we expect our partners to share an unfair share of work stress with us.

“We carry a set of expectations that our intimate partners are a source of emotional support and that we can be the most authentic versions of ourselves,” Alexandra Solomona Chicago-based psychologist and podcast host Re-imagine lovetell Luck. And while it’s a “blessing” to find that, she adds, “It comes back to our detriment when we don’t pay attention to the impact of burnout on the way we We show it to everyone.”

This is a common problem: In Deloitte Workplace Burnout SurveyFor example, 83% of respondents said that job burnout can negatively affect their personal relationships. Similarly, in Headspace State of the Workforce 2024 Report71% of employees share that work stress has caused personal relationships to end.

A big part of the problem, Solomon says, is that the boundaries between work and home life, especially with remote and hybrid work arrangements, can be hard to define. That’s why it’s important to dedicate time and energy to each aspect of your life, including time to connect with partners––beyond discussing work projects.

Here are five tips to ensure job burnout doesn’t kill the romance in your life.

first. Resist the urge to compare

Often, when both partners are having trouble at work, Solomon says, they tend to become competitive — with workplace stress. Olympicif you want.

“The conversation might start like, ‘I want to share my day with you because you’re a really important person to listen to and a safe place,’” she says. “But the conversation can have a sneaky way of turning into comparing who has it worse.”

Solomon suggests that you resist the urge to compare your experiences with your partner’s and remember that any stress, including the stress that comes with this type of competition, is unwanted and can have consequences. negative impact on our health.

2. Set ‘little rituals’‘

Creating symbolic ways to transition from work time to home time, even if you work from home, can play an important role in keeping your relationship strong.

“For some people, it’s when they’re on their way home, or when you’re getting dressed after work, almost ritualistically thinking, ‘Today I’m going to leave, I’ve done my job, I’ve been present, I’ve done what I’m supposed to do. It’ll be waiting for me tomorrow,’” she says. “Any way you can establish a micro-ritual to transition from one workday to another with your partner,” she says, is valuable.

3. Performance reviews aren’t just for the office.

Performance metrics, desired pay raises, and the basic need to stay employed are all reliable motivators when it comes to doing a good job. But what about staying motivated at home?

“We don’t think, ‘A year from now I want to feel more connected to my partner,’ ‘I want us to achieve this goal in our lives,’ says Jenna Glover, a psychologist licensure and Clinical Director at Head spacetell Luck. But, she insisted, maybe we should.

“Part of that is being intentional and actually getting it there [home] space,” Glover explains. “And when people do that, they can be successful in both work and relationships.”

Glover suggests that evaluating relationship performance is one way to ensure we don’t get lost in work or miss out on important time with our partner.

“Take the time to say, ‘There is no built-in template for what it means to be successful in my relationship like a evaluate job performanceBut I’ll take the time to determine what it actually looks like,’” she suggests.

And don’t worry about it being too formal. Instead, Glover says it’s about staying focused when you sit down with your partner and share your goals and expectations for your family, career, and personal relationships.

4. Saving “romance” by defining it broadly

That’s true Stress affects sexual desire. According to Cleveland ClinicStress can decrease your sex drive by taking your mind off of sexual desire, and chronic stress can interfere with hormone levels, which also leads to lower sex drive.

“No one’s desires increase because of pressure,” Solomon said.

But she says romance and bonding with a partner doesn’t necessarily begin and end with sex.

“The definition of ‘romance’ is the things we do that help us feel connected,” she says. “And there are so many ways to feel connected beyond sex.”

She suggests making small but meaningful nods toward intimacy and toward combating burnout at your job — like playing a game with your partner, dancing together in the kitchen, or lighting candles while eating dinner.

“Part of it was me stepping back,” Solomon says, “and saying, ‘No, my job can’t take up my time anymore. And my sexual energy.’”

5. Try to avoid putting your partner on the defensive.

If you feel like you’re missing out on time with your partner because of either of your jobs (or both), a gentle way to start trying to combat it is to have a casual conversation about it: How about a screen-free evening? How about planning a fun outing? Solomon says your partner can’t always read your mind or body language for clues about what you want.

But criticizing and blaming, she adds, can make them feel attacked and guilty, causing them to become defensive. Instead, calmly tell your partner that you need their full attention.

Plus, she emphasizes, job burnout is often due to company culture rather than the employee. So while it may be easy to blame your partner for responding to work messages after work hours, their employer must also adhere to after-hours boundaries.

“[Your partner] “Not creating a corporate culture that requires people to be there all the time, or not hiring the right number of people to do the work, or whatever the dynamics are within the organization,” she said. “So I think part of it is also making sure that accountability is put where it needs to be.”

Actually, almost 70% expertsbased on Deloitte Companyfeel their employer is not doing enough to prevent or reduce burnout in their organization, and 21% said their company does not have any programs or initiatives in place to prevent or reduce the condition.

“Everyone needs to work. So it’s really important for employees to think about ‘What was my work experience like?’ and hopefully having a job that supports your quality of life, not diminishes it,” Glover said.

She added that we all have limited resources—Limited time, limited energy—and putting “too much” into a job will guarantee that you won’t have a good one. work life balance.

And parsing that out is getting harder, Solomon says, because the term “work-life balance” itself can be deceptive.

“In our minds, we have this belief that these are two separate spheres,” she said. “But the boundary between home and work is actually quite straightforward.”

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