John Oliver Called JD Vance’s Campaign to Ask If He’d Ever Had Sex With a Couch
JD Vance probably sick of all the comedy cuddling on the couch is coming his way. But unfortunately for the Republican vice presidential nominee, the masses can’t stop hearing the (false) rumor on the internet that he wrote about having sex with his couch in his memoir, The ballad of the mountain people. Last week Stephen Colbert criticized the king for (supposedly) liking to lounge on his couch; on Sundays, John Oliver has been engaging in a series of couch-related jokes on his Emmy-winning late-night show, Last week tonight.
In short: Vance’s couch jokes began with a snarky post from the since-deleted X account @ricksrudescalves. “Can’t say for sure, but he may be the first vice presidential candidate to admit in a ny times bestseller that he had sex with an upside-down latex glove stuffed between two couch cushions,” read viral messagewhich Oliver shared on his show. The original post even included a fake quote for the fictional story: “(vance, 𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘺, pp. 179-181).” It’s all in the details.
Although it’s clearly a joke—and a claim that can easily be disproved by copying a copy of The Elegy of the Mountain People—the post has garnered attention online. On Sunday, Oliver shared a few theories as to why. “I think the reason it went viral so quickly is probably a) no one read the damn book and b) it’s incredibly relatable,” he said. The comedian then let it go viral, completely mocking Vance and his seemingly couch-covered face. “If you asked me to draw a man having sex with his couch, 10 times out of 10, I would draw this guy,” Oliver joked. “If you asked me to play two truths and a lie with this guy, before he opened his mouth, I would scream, ‘The truth is he’s having sex with his couch!’”
At this point, some viewers may have shouted out a famous line The Simpsons restrained Oliver: “Stop, he is dead!” But Oliver continued to joke. Vance, he said, “looks like he’s seen Tom Cruise–Oprah interview and was jealous of Tom’s shoes”—a reference to when Cruise famous jumped on the couch after declaring his love to his new girlfriend Katie Holmes. Vance and his supporters might accuse Oliver of being slippery, but a genuinely excited Oliver continues to indulge in sofa antics.
What’s his most sarcastic joke? “If you told me the reason you find coins between the couch cushions is because JD Vance always leaves tips, I’d say, ‘Yeah, yeah, that sounds about right.'”
Oliver also touched on the media fallout from the post, noting that the rumor spread as far as Sweden—home to the mass-market sofa manufacturer Ikea—and citing the AP’s fact-checking article “No, JD Vance did not have sex with a sofa,” an online story that was later removed for not going through AP’s usual editorial process. Even though the story was removed, “you can’t say for sure that JD Vance didn’t have sex with a sofa,” Oliver noted. “You can say that he didn’t write about doing it in his book, because it can be proven. But that’s not the same as saying he never had sex with the sofa, especially since he hasn’t officially denied it.”
Here, Oliver took things a step further than Colbert, actually calling the Vance campaign to see if the senator would answer that question on the record. The Vance team’s response? “They—and this is true—hanged up on us,” Oliver said—before making the wisecrack that the hang-up wasn’t actually a denial. Oliver and his team then followed up via email and text messages, asking whether Vance had ever had sex with a couch or “any other piece of furniture or household item.” Last week tonightDuring filming, Oliver still received no response.
