Hyrule really needs to look at its prison system
My first hour in The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom left me with one unshakable thought: God, Hyrule’s prison is terrible.
Yes, I was fascinated by the traditional feel of the whole game and it’s still a bit shocking that I got my hands on a brand new Zelda game just 18 months after its predecessor. But all of that disappeared from my mind as soon as I saw our titular hero being thrown into a prison cell. Come on, there’s a big flipping hole right on that bench that might as well say “Climb on me!” engrave it!
Thinking about the whole situation for about three milliseconds, I summoned a table, jumped onto the bench, and led Zelda to freedom, chuckling to myself as I did so. Do I wish it were a more complex puzzle? No way. This is the introduction and no one wants to be confused before the game starts. But this is becoming an ongoing trend for Hyrule’s prisons, and if the monarchy is serious about imprisoning the Demon King, it wouldn’t hurt to start practicing on home soil.
Clink awakens
We’ll start with the first big no-no, the one that sparked this thought in the first place: if there’s a hole in the side of your cell, fill it.
It seems like a no-brainer, but perhaps if your entire population typically depends on some kind of special cape, shoe, or wristband to dance, it might not be the first thing to do. you think of.
Perhaps there’s a simpler approach: if there’s a hole in the side of your cell, make sure the cell next to it has a locked door. There. That seems doable even for the less resilient Hylians.
On a related note, if there is a hole in the floor of your cell, do more than simply put a wooden crate on it. Twilight Princess sees Link (in wolf form, no less) locked up for the crime of resisting teenage angst, an incarceration that is similarly avoided in a matter of seconds.
Yes, chaining the prisoner to the floor is a smarter move in this case – Maybe consider thicker chains for the shape-shifting werewolf next time – but how does he escape in the end? By easily breaking the wooden crate in the corner and digging a way out through the poorly filled hole below. No one expects you to have to prepare for being interdimensional royalty, but let’s assume that most prisoners will have a basic knowledge of shoveling.
However, the kingdom’s prisons are plagued by more than just hole-filled walls and floors, so our work is far from over.
A link between worlds
Take A link between worldsFor example. The thief’s hideout is one of the series’ more successful prisons, keeping lower-level criminals behind bars for more than a few seconds. Sure, there’s a hole in the ceiling, but a barred entrance is a pretty solid way to keep most people out (at least the ones who can’t turn into thatch).
However, there is one small flaw that makes it as rough as the series’ worst. The cell is where a switch is located that opens another rather important door leading to the opposite cell. Furthermore, this big red button is open for all to see. It probably doesn’t help much with the prisoner’s escape, but I bet it’s probably a good idea to leave the door controller in the room where the prisoner can escape. won’t come into contact with them?
And while we flip the switch, let’s hide them. Many people out there might be pleased to see Tingle behind bars, but when you first meet him locked in Wind machineA quick glance behind the pile of vases placed suspiciously nearby revealed a gift. If you’re going to unlock a cell with a single button, maybe place it a little further out of reach.
Ocarina of prison time
I have to give it to them, Ocarina of timeGerudo knows what is what. If they caught Link stepping out of line, it would be a one-way ticket to an empty, high-walled cell with no holes in sight.
Except! Is it an open window with a noticeable wooden overhang? Come on people, this is definitely Prison 101! As our awesome video maker put it in the OOT stream below (ref Pitch meetingof course), “Oh, that’s quite simple. There’s no inconvenience at all.” You’re so right, Felix.
Look, I like an easy solution as much as the next person – especially when the alternative is stewing in a box, waiting for a key-wielding hero wearing a green tunic to appear – but you Don’t think Hyrule’s maximum security should be a little bit more, I don’t know, sure?
Those who have skimmed Echoes of Wisdom will no doubt know that my suffering in prison is far from over, but I’ll leave that discussion for another day. I don’t want to spoil the suspense as to whether our hero will maybe Next time, make it peaceful.
