Tim Walz Shows He Can Do Anything (Warns of the Dangers of Donald Trump and Makes JD Vance Couch-F–king Joke)

Hours after the official announced EQUAL Kamala HarrisHis 2024 running mate, Minnesota governor Tim Walz took the stage in Philadelphia to introduce himself to the nation. And, as part of that introduction, he demonstrated that he could walk and chew gum at the same time, or, in this case: make the case for electing Harris, warning people about Donald Trumpscary plans for a second term, bringing Big Dad Energyand create a JD Vance sofa sex prank.

After his VP run, Walz told the crowd, “JD Vance really wrote preface for the architect of the Project 2025 agenda. Like all the normal people I grew up with in the heartland, JD went to Yale, had his career funded by Silicon Valley billionaires, and then wrote a best-selling book criticizing that community. Come on! That’s not Middle America. And I gotta tell you, I can’t wait to argue with that guy. That is, if he’s willing to get off his chair and show up.… See what I did there?”

Of course, the couch business seems to allude to the joke that has taken the internet by storm last month, starting with a social media post that read: “It’s impossible to say for sure, but he may be the first vice presidential candidate to admit in a New York Times bestseller that he had sex with an upside-down latex glove stuffed between two couch cushions (vance, hillbilly elegy, pp. 179-181).” That post led, among other things, to a deleted since The Associated Press “fact check” article was headlined “No, JD Vance didn’t have sex with the sofa” and Last week tonight ask Vance’s team asked if the Ohio senator had ever had sex with a sofa or “any other piece of furniture or household item.” (The show did not receive a response.)

Couch jokes aside, Walz also used his time in Philadelphia to criticize Trump and warn about what giving the former president a second term would mean. “Donald Trump sees the world a little differently than we do,” he told the crowd. “First of all, he doesn’t know the most basic thing about service. He doesn’t have time for that because he’s too busy serving himself. Trump has consistently undermined our economy to consolidate his own power. He’s mocked our laws. He’s sown chaos and division. And that’s not even mentioning his record as president. He froze the COVID crisis. You’ve driven our economy into the abyss. And make no mistake, violent crime has increased under Donald Trump. And that’s not even counting the crimes he’s committed!”

“If Trump had the chance to come back, he would pick up where he left off five years ago,” Walz added. “Only this time it would be much worse. Raising costs for the middle class. He would repeal the Affordable Care Act. There’s no doubt about it. He would cut Social Security and Medicare. And when someone tells you who they are, believe them. He says he’s going to ban abortion nationwide, and he will. Donald Trump doesn’t fight for you or your family. He doesn’t sit at the kitchen table where I grew up, wondering how we’re going to pay the bills. He sits at his country club in Mar-a-Lago wondering how he can cut taxes for his rich friends.”

Of course, the governor also took time to talk about Harris, praising her for spending her career fighting “for the American people” and saying that “her idea of ​​freedom is [for] Education is the ticket to the middle class, not debt. Clean air. Clean water. Safe communities. Where we resolve our political differences, not with violence, but with our votes. And that is what this election is about.”