Ian Lara in the comedy supporting him through the loss of his mother

Ian Lara is a Dominican-American stand-up comedian from Queens, NY who achieved success online after an appearance on “Comedy Central Stand-Up With” which garnered over 10 million views. Lara is a regular on “This Week at the Comedy Cellar” on Comedy Central and is featured in “Bring the Funny” on NBC. He made his late-night television debut on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” in 2019, and in 2020, Lara performed his first 30-minute special for “Entre Nos: LA Meets NY ” by HBO Latino. In 2022, Lara’s half-hour special on Comedy Central, “Growing Shame”, aired in February and his HBO special, “Ian Lara: Romantic Comedy” was released in November on HBO Max.

During Mental Health Awareness Month, we asked Latinx comedians and creators we admire how comedy has helped them overcome trauma and face their most important challenges. how in life. Read the sections here.

“El que anda corriendo llega cansado.”

It’s a famous Dominican saying my mother used to say, meaning “Whoever runs gets tired.” These six simple words have shaped my life and career as a stand-up comedian in many ways. This phrase alone taught me the importance of discipline, dedication, and doing things right – no matter how long and difficult the road.

I can’t forget how much influence my mother had on my career. First of all, she is probably one of the funniest people I know. I have had a relatively happy and healthy life. I grew up in South Ozone Park, Queens, the youngest of five, and I don’t remember a day that wasn’t filled with jokes and jokes. From my parents to my siblings, someone always says something witty that makes us all roll. But usually it was my mother who caused the belly laughs. In many ways, my mother was the person who helped me appreciate the importance of comedic relief and how it can help us deal with some of life’s harsh realities.

I didn’t know it at the time, but growing up in a fun-loving Dominican family prepared me for the life ahead. When you grow up, you just assume that’s the norm for everyone – until you go out into the world and realize that for different people, it’s different. But in my family, humor is everything. Everyone is funny. My uncles are funny. My aunts are very funny and my mother has always been very funny.

In fact, it wasn’t until I began pursuing a career in comedy that I realized there was a narrative in mainstream American comedy that women’s comics were “not funny.” I never heard anything like that growing up. I didn’t even know it was important because in my culture and in my family, everyone is funny – especially women.

As the youngest, I didn’t even realize I was funny until middle school, and my friends and peers would point it out to me. As I got older, I became a fan of stand-up and realized maybe that’s what I wanted to do. At first, I thought I would just do this as a hobby and pursue a career in law. But one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was booking comedy clubs all week long. There is something about providing comedic entertainment to individuals regardless of what they may be going through in their daily lives that really appeals to me. It may sound cliché but laughter truly is the best medicine, and what I soon learned is that it is not only medicine for those who receive it but also for the individual – in my case, with as a comedian – making jokes.

Everything I learned from my mother growing up, from the importance of not taking shortcuts in life to the balance that gentleness can bring, all prepared me for one of these moments. The hardest and darkest moment I will ever experience – losing my grandmother to cancer. My mother’s battle with cancer was in many ways an emotional roller coaster. I first learned about her breast cancer diagnosis in May 2021, exactly one day after Mother’s Day.

I remember when she called me two weeks ago to tell me that she went to see the doctor and they ran some tests. She had a mammogram and the doctor saw something in her breast and sent it to the lab to see if it was cancer. On Mother’s Day, my mom was in Pennsylvania with my sister and I drove there to spend the day with her. The next day, she called to tell me that the doctor said the breast tissue had come back cancerous. But at first, I wasn’t worried. My mother regularly has mammograms. In fact, the only year she missed was 2020, when we were all in lockdown because of COVID. So I’m pretty sure the cancer is probably in its early stages and still treatable.

Whenever you hear about a cancer diagnosis, it’s never a good thing, but I did my research and she was still only stage one. Plus, I have an aunt who was previously diagnosed with breast cancer, and they caught and treated it at stage three. So I’m still hopeful.

Things got worse when we learned in July that my mother also had stage 4 colon cancer that was metastasizing to her liver. When you learn that your mother is currently struggling with a potentially fatal stage 4 cancer diagnosis, it can be overwhelming. But I am a very calm and practical person. I’m not quick to panic, even in difficult circumstances. I quickly searched for a solution by delving into research. I read, watched videos, and asked the doctor questions. I soon learned that even with stage four colon cancer, there was a chance that it might be one of the few cancers at that stage that was still curable. Once again, I remain hopeful.

At this point, I had been working as a professional stand-up comedian for about 10 years and had been asked to film a half-hour Comedy Central special in July 2021 while my mother was battling cancer. I’m also preparing to film an HBO comedy special, “Romantic comedy“originally scheduled to shoot in November 2021 but pushed back to July 2022, finally released on HBO in November 2022. My daytime schedule is only devoted to taking care of my mother at hospital, whose health was deteriorating as week by week things got worse and the possibility of losing her to this disease became more and more real to me.

My mother and I have a very happy relationship, we always joke around together. She was one of the first people in my life to make me laugh, so I found great joy in making her laugh, but as the cancer began to take over, she gradually lost her sense of self and with with that comes her consciousness. about humor. I held tightly to the lessons she taught me over the years and used stand-up and my ability to make others laugh as my medicine during those dark times.

I am very lucky because what I do for a living brings me a lot of happiness and satisfaction. Sometimes I talk to friends or people I’m meeting for the first time, and they’ll ask what I do for fun, and I say, my career is my joy. I don’t go to nightclubs. I don’t go drinking. I don’t really go on dates. I really enjoy writing jokes and performing them for people. It gives me an intense feeling of euphoria that can only be compared to a drug high, with lots of endorphins released.

Watching someone I love so much get sick and eventually pass away was truly the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. The only thing that kept me going and got me out of bed every morning on those dark days was my comedy. I rely on my stand-ups at night and preparing for those special things to help me get back up after those really bad times. Even in the hospital, while my mother was sleeping, I continued to write jokes and material.

You can’t laugh and make others laugh and still be sad. You can’t feel both at the same time – they don’t go together. I believe you may be in deep sadness or depression, and at least for the few seconds or minutes you laugh, you will not be sad during that period. I’ve always considered comedy to be the safest medicine you can take. No one will tell you that you are smiling too much.

Before my mother got sick, my life seemed relatively easy. Growing up, I had a wonderful childhood and an active family. So much so that I’m wary of the idea that maybe my life will always be wonderful. Reality knocked on my door when my mother fell ill. It helped me realize that no one is immune to trials and tribulations in life. Difficulties are inevitable. Comedy got me through that and got me going after she passed away in October 2021. Even at her funeral, I felt a sense of relief through comedy. There were a lot of tears but also a lot of laughter. Humor always has a way of creeping in. You cannot avoid it. You can try your best – but sometimes, holding back your laughter is impossible.

Everyone has something bad going on. That’s just part of being human. Nothing is as bad as you think – time heals everything. And nothing is as good as you think. Even now, while having an HBO special, constantly being on shows, and currently working on my new hour show, I still have down days where I don’t feel special proud of his position as a stand-up comedian. . Maybe that’s just part of being an artist.

But the moment I stepped on stage and heard the audience’s laughter, I automatically became young again. Comedy keeps me grounded and pushes me forward in this life, no matter the curve balls thrown my way. I don’t know what I would do without this comedy.

– As told to Johanna Ferreira

Johanna Ferreira is the content director of POPSUGAR Juntos. With over 10 years of experience, Johanna focuses on how intersectional identities are a central part of Latinx culture. Previously, she spent nearly three years as deputy editor at HipLatina and freelanced for multiple outlets including Refinery29, O Magazine, Allure, InStyle and Well+Good. She has also moderated and spoken on numerous panels on Latine identity.